9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
