Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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