So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
