Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize