I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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