Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
