Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
