Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
