I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
