Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize