Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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