I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
