you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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