So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
