How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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