Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have feelings that need drinking.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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