mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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