I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
