she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
