as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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