then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
