I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
