Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
