Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize