Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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