So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
