I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
