i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
