I am spending my child support on dildos
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
