Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Randomize
