her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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