I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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