OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
