Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We had to coat check the pizza.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
