If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Damn victory sex feels great
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