Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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