Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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