hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
