I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
