She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
