Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
