dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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