Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
