Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
