I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
