you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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