I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
