you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
