so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
