Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
