I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
