She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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