Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
