She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
