I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
