I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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