I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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