I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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