Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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