I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
