Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
