Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
