Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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