Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
