I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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