So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize