It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
