He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
